10 Ways Christians Are Being Persecuted In America

Babylon Bee🐝

All around the world, Christians face imprisonment and death for their beliefs. But in America, the persecution of Christians has become far worse. It's extremely difficult being a Christian in America these days, and here are ten horrifying reasons why. 

1) Sometimes, people are mean on Twitter: It's horrible. Only Christians have to endure this treatment online. This is exactly what the early Christians must have felt like when they were burned alive!

2) Starbucks still won't put "Merry Christmas" on their holiday cups: Every morning when you pick up your double peppermint oat milk latte with extra sprinkles, you're assaulted by their godless heathen "holiday" message. Sad! 

3) Thousands of Americans get shot every day just for being a Christian (in Halo): Come to think of it, maybe they're just getting shot because they're on the opposing team... BUT STILL! 

4) One time a waitress got mad when I tipped her with one of those fake $100 bill gospel tracts: Well, EXCUSE ME for trying to save your soul! 

5) Many Christians still haven't gotten their hands on a PS5: This is just the kind of suffering the Bible warned us about. 

6) Sometimes, the lines at Chick-Fil-A are really long: Oh, the humanity!

7) They still haven't made an Oreo flavor that acknowledges our Christian beliefs: We have a Lady Gaga Oreo and an LGBTQ+ rainbow Oreo, but no cookies with the Nicene Creed printed on them? We are exiles in this land. 

8) This week's church bulletin is folded a little crooked and it's bothering my OCD: Someone needs to talk to Church Secretary Ethel Rutherford about this. 

9) They take Christian superheroes like Superman and make them gay: Who do we Christians have to look up to if not Superman? 

10) At least 3462 Christians, including ten priests or pastors, were murdered in the first 200 days of 2021: Oh wait-- that was in Nigeria. Our bad.