Democrats' Total Failure and Utter Humiliation Delights All Real Americans

Kurt Schlicter writing at Townhall

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own
and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall

Now that the Democrats’ dream of stealing the 2016 election through the power of MSNBCNN-fueled outrage, and through plots by fussy lib bureaucrats, lies in ruins, some people might argue that we should be gracious in our total victory and not mock the stinging pain that accompanied this latest agonizing failure. Some people are sissies. Hoist a stein overflowing with the tears of these losers and chug chug chug away.

Then tap another keg. This party is finally getting started, and it’s going to rage on until January 2025. 

Maybe even longer, if you listen to the Bozos, Pennywises, and Krustys they find for those CNN panels. Their genius takeaway from their soul-crushing defeat in trying to impeach Donald Trump for the crime of revealing the massive corruption of Senile Joe and his son Snorty Strippertap is that Trump might decide to never leave office. That’s a good point. What would they do if he didn’t? Take up arms like real men would? Yeah, right.

They will take what they are given and like it.

Perhaps the best thing about this ridiculous kabuki act was how it forced the unwoke Republicans to stop pretending that these antics are legitimate, that we need to treat this crap seriously, and that we need to act like these games are not just another bogus ploy designed to disenfranchise us and re-empower the sorry pack of weirdos, losers, and mutations that make up the Democratic Party. Even Senator Igloo (R?-Frigidaire) got tired of it. Of course, not all Republicans got it. We can forgive Susan Collins because she’s from Maine and maple syrup and moose make you weird. 

But Mitt Romney, aka Thin Jeb!, that simpering goof…who else is about done with that carpetbagging preppie tool? What is Utah thinking? Give us back our 2012 votes. How can someone with so many kids – I believe the nicknames of these Stepford sons are Skippy, Muffy, Bilbo, Tugg, Torpp, Ting, Jipper and Sneep – be so incredibly impotent? 

And no, what Candy Crowely publicly did to him in front of all America on that debate stage does not go to demonstrating his potency. It goes to hers.

Where do the Democrats go from here? Well, if they were not a hopeless pack of unmitigated failures masquerading as a political party, they might take stock in their situation and figure out a way to win by appealing to voters with policies the voters desire. But the Democrats are a hopeless pack of unmitigated failures masquerading as a political party, and they have no desire to appeal to voters with policies the voters desire. Instead, the Democrats, in the death grip of the weirdo SJW identity freaks and socialist Castro-wannabes, know that they can’t get what they want by winning elections based on their Marxy platform. They have to take out Trump via some extracurricular deus ex machina. Such is the dearth of options a party has when its own dummies totally alienate themselves from normal people by doing things like booing Deus on national TV.

Well, at least the Fredocons have got the Dems’ backs. So, they got that going for them.

Let’s face it – the Democrats in Congress have zilch to show their constituents next fall except videos of Adam the Anime-eyed Lollipop and Oompa Nadler losing in the Senate. And their primary is a disaster of epic proportions and it’s hilariously funny. Here’s how bad it is: Beto the Furry fell out and the stupidity/insanity axis actually rose. 

Just last week, Chief Sitting Bolshevik assured her baffled audience that she would allow a trans nine-year-old to pick her Secretary of Education. Leaving aside that there are no “trans” nine-year-olds, only disturbed children egged on by terrible liberal parents who delight at how converting Kaden into Ashleigh will make themselves interesting, you at least gotta hand it to Pocahontas. That’s some incredible sucking up to the weirdo fringie set by the only person of color remaining in the race.

Also, Panders to Lunatics suggested making saying things the government dislikes into a crime. In unrelated news, go buy guns and ammunition to help ensure that we never fall under a government that makes saying things the government dislikes into a crime. By the way, and making it perfect, this innovative initiative came almost simultaneously with the chorus of Democrat fake expressions of devotion to the Constitution. Perhaps in the liberal version, the First and Second Amendments both come with asterisks 

The rest of the Dems are failing too, each in their own way. Gropey J is staggering about, the unwatched impeachment clusterfark having done only one thing – made people wonder why that loser dope-huffing, sister-in-law-tagging son of his got millions from Ukrainian crooks. Bernie Sanders might well be the nominee, setting off a Democratic panic and ham-handed attempts to create a lane for Midget Mike. Wait, I thought billionaires were bad? Anyway, ripping off Bernie again will spark a sissy civil war with lots of whining and pinching and it will be hilarious and terrific.

And overall this smoking Democratic wreckage looms Donald Trump, bellowing in laughter as his poll numbers rise. The economy is booming. He has signed great new trade deals. We are ending the elite’s idiotic wars. And it is looking like Nancy Pelosi will have even more reason to drink herself into sputtering incoherence over next November when we take back the House.

It’s a painful time to be a Democrat. Good. Because Democrats chose to be terrible, and their agony should refresh and inspire us. Graciousness in victory? Pass. They tried to take us out by taking out the guy we elected. They tried to make sure we could never have a say in our own country ever again. They tried, and because they suck, they failed.

Rub it in their smug, tear-streaked faces.

You losers have only just started losing, and we have only just started winning.