Government Jealous Of...

Government Jealous Of 

Rioters' Speed, Efficiency In Destroying Local Businesses

June 3rd, 2020

U.S.—University economists and government regulators at local, state, and federal levels are “genuinely impressed” with how quickly private sector agents have been able to completely destroy local businesses, both small and large.

“I’m impressed,” murmured Gov. Andrew Cuomo. “They literally destroyed that little mom and pop shop. Everything is gone.”

Looters were busy all across America in every major city setting fires and looting stores without much opposition from local law enforcement who had been told that they had better not escalate tensions with the large angry crowds hurling objects at them.

“Normally, destroying local businesses to this extent would take decades of onerous taxes, business licenses and fees, and various crippling regulations- and even then, the pesky giant corporations are big enough to weather all these interventions,” said a sorrowful economist named Paul Krugman.

“I have to hand it to the private sector looters, they were way more efficient than big government this time. The destruction is total- even on the big box stores,” Krugman said excitedly as his eyes remained glued to the television broadcast. “And all those broken windows,” he added with a glint in his eyes.

Krugman then ushered reporters out of his office claiming he was waiting for a very important fax to come through.

At publishing time, state and local government regulators were in talks with other university professors on how they could implement some private sector reforms to their efforts to hobble the operations of a market economy permanently.