Democrats Uncover Devious Billionaire Plot To Spend Billions Buying Social Media Company To Get President Trump Elected In Order To Access The Treasury Database And Steal Grandma's $695 Social Security Check
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats have uncovered a devious billionaire plot to spend billions buying a social media company in order to manipulate the country into electing Donald Trump to gain access to the Treasury database and steal American grandmothers' $695 social security checks.
According to Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer, the DNC has uncovered incontrovertible evidence that Elon Musk has been plotting to stealthily infiltrate the Treasury Department in order to rob helpless grandmas, ever since he bought Twitter in 2022.
"This unelected threat to our democracy has been scheming to gain access to our grandmothers' social security accounts to steal their only means of support," Schumer warned. "He must be stopped at all costs."
Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez pointed out that Musk's devilish plot was really dumb.
"I think he's just not the smartest knife in the shed," Ocasio-Cortez told reporters. "He spent all those billions on Twitter just to get a $700 check? Isn't that inflation or something? There are much easier ways to get money from grandmas, too."
AOC then tripped over her shoelaces, which she had accidentally tied together while getting dressed this morning.
At publishing time, Democrats had warned Americans that if not stopped, Elon would potentially move on to more brazen crimes, like using other people's social security numbers to apply for a Visa credit card.
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