7 New Features Coming To United Airlines Courtesy Of Drag Queen CEO

Babylon Bee🐝

This week, United Airlines CEO Scott Kirby revealed his love for throwing on a dress and twerking in public - but Kirby still has a few secrets hidden under that wig! Here are seven exciting new features coming to your next United Airlines flight, courtesy of its drag queen leader:

1. Oxygen masks will be replaced by feather boas and glitter: Remember, put on your own feather boa before assisting those next to you.
2. The pre-flight safety demonstration will be replaced by the crew dancing to "It's Raining Men": Hallelujah!
3. The exit row will now be outfitted with stripper poles: Extra leg room comes with extra glitter.
4. An in-flight drag show will begin as soon as the "Fasten Seatbelt" sign goes off: United still recommends passengers remain seated while drag queens roam the aisle.
5. No more free nuts: Too bad!
6. Next to the "Flight Attendant Call" button there is now a 'Drag Queen Call Button': They look very similar, but the drag queen button has a wig. Choose wisely.
7. In the event of a water landing, passengers may use the pilot's fake boobs as a floatation device: Very generous!

If those don't sound appealing, there's always that airline where the doors blow off. Happy traveling!