2024: The Year in Preview
Anyone can look back, it takes a special bunch of powers to look forward. And, as long as you don’t think about it too much or revisit this column, you’ll find my predictive powers rank up there with whoever is touted today as someone with predictive powers (I really have no idea. The only name that comes to mind is Carnac the Magnificent, but no one under 70 will know who that is). So, let us look forward to what we can expect to happen (or not) in 2024.
First, let me get the big one out of the way first – Joe Biden will still be on the ballot in November. Looking at this guy on New Year’s Eve you might’ve thought he was already dead, and he may well be. Whoever his reanimators are deserve a raise. But he will be Weekend at Bernie’s-ed through the end of the year. So, if you thought he might drop out of the race, don’t count on it. Sorry, Gavin Newsom.
Kamala Harris will…continue to exist, I guess. Is there a more worthless creature in politics today than the Vice President? She will continue to serve her one and only purpose of making Joe Biden look good by comparison. She’s the best impeachment conviction insurance policy ever created, and the only person less popular than Sir Sniffs-A-Lot in the Oval Office. More Americans would rather sit on a rusty nail covered with lemon juice than be stuck in a car with her, but she is still less appealing than the current president, so she’s sticking.
Speaking of sticking, Claudine Gay at Harvard isn’t going anywhere either. She’s not qualified for her job, she’s a rabid plagiarist, but she’s made her career out of declaring victim status based on skin color to a group of rich leftists for whom the idea of victim status based on skin color is an aphrodisiac, and they aren’t about to fire their Spanish Fly dealer.
Any adult with self-respect would resign, but self-respect has never played a role in Gay’s life, or else she would have performed professionally with honor and integrity. She’ll maybe do a sit-down interview with professional Biden chair-sniffer Scott Pelley at "60 Minutes" or Oprah will dust off her TV cameras and ride in to rescue a fellow black woman because she’s a fellow black woman, but that’s likely all we’ll hear from her this year. She will otherwise sit silently and wait for everything to blow over, have a book ghostwritten with her name on it (kind of like all her professional writing, only this time with proper attribution), and wait for the leftist media to paint her as a hero and pioneer because reasons. Don’t let your kids go to Harvard.
Hollywood will go more woke this year. You’re probably wondering how that would be possible, but there is always a higher gear of stupid. The Golden Globes, which are back this weekend, will stink of desperation for attention and acceptance, and the only way to get that in Hollywood is to crawl further up the rear end of the politically correct extremist fringe. If they had any guts and wanted a non-industry audience they’d hire Ricky Gervais to host again, but they’re probably in fevered last-minute talks with Claudine Gay for the gig. It might be fun to watch just to see how pathetic and pandering they get.
As a native Detroiter – even though I haven’t lived there for decades, you’re always a Detroiter – I fully expect the Lions to find a way to raise hopes just a little bit more, then pull the rug out from under us. I know, anything is possible and other teams went longer between championships (Detroit last won in football in 1957, a decade before the creation of the Super Bowl), but there are few people alive who’ve experienced it. I saw a meme on X the other day that hit the spot: “JFK has only missed one Detroit Lions playoff victory.” It’s funny because it’s true. I’d say it stings for the same reason but we’re all so numb to it that there is no sting left.
I’m not going to predict anything about the elections for any office, there’s always a big disconnect between what I want and what I think will happen. I’d just caution against getting excited about the polls, either way. They don’t matter and have been more wrong than every one of Nancy Pelosi’s plastic surgeons for the last 10 years.
OK, that’s a cheap shot and I’m sorry, pollsters are much better at their jobs than that.
The economy will still suck while every Democrat, in and out of the media, will give themselves hernias trying to convince you otherwise. Inflation won’t go away, but you will be told it’s gone in an attempt to convince you into thinking dropping $60 every time you run into the grocery story, no matter what you’re getting, is normal. The left will continue to insist gas prices are down, which they will be…from the high they artificially created, which is kind of like demanding your kids celebrate the fact that you’re only beating them every other day instead of every day like you did in the past.
Everything is about to become even dumber in 2024, and if you could copyright the phrase “like Hitler” you’ll be rich by the end of it (I want 10 percent). Oh, and expect there to be a reason some judge steps in to block the list of Jeffrey Epstein’s friends and co-conspirators – Democrats take care of their own, and there will be a lot of Democrats on that list (not just gross ones we know like Bill Clinton).
Either way, buckle up. The 2024 election is pretty much for the whole ball of wax. Remember that as you vote in your primaries. From the top of the ticket to the bottom, if you don’t nominate candidates that people who are not you will vote for, none of it will matter. The Senate is within reach, the House is on the edge, and the White House is up for grabs, but so are seats in your state and local governments. If I wouldn’t trust a Democrat to water plastic plants if I had to go out of town for a weekend, I sure as hell don’t trust them with government power. But if you pick bad candidates, morons with name recognition or “special” endorsements, they will lose. The red wave of 2022 becoming a red splat wasn’t an accident.
Happy New Year…
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