Olympics To Kick Off With Ceremonial Lighting Of The American Flag

Babylon Bee🐝

TOKYO—The 2020 Olympic Games will be kicking off next month with the ceremonial lighting of the American flag, a beloved pastime where American athletes who were given every opportunity to succeed get to show how much they hate America. 

"Before the Games, American athletes will get to show much they hate their country by taking the ceremonial torch and burning the flag," said one commentator on ESPN. "We always feel the importance and gravity of this moment at every Olympic Games. As the torchbearer approaches the flag and lights it up, solemnly declaring to everyone that the U.S. is a horribly racist and oppressive country, I can't help but shed a few tears."

"Stunning and, you guessed it, brave."

One Chinese gymnast suggested she would burn her own country's flag as well, since the government kidnapped her family and forced her to compete at gunpoint, but she has since disappeared.