Jeopardy Bans All Contestants From Having Hands

Babylon Bee🐝

CULVER CITY, CA—If there's one thing Americans are concerned about, it’s secret racist hand signals. That’s why numerous dedicated people are always on the lookout for any time someone’s thumb touches their index finger  -- the “OK” gesture -- before this magic gesture launches race riots nationwide. 

The show Jeopardy! is addressing this growing problem. After one contestant held up three fingers -- which was kind of close to the OK gesture -- and activated white supremacists throughout the country to do the racism, the game show is making sure something like that will never happen again by banning all contestants who have hands.

“It’s just too much of a risk,” explained Bob Jeopardy, creator of Jeopardy! “With three contestants per game, you’re averaging somewhere over five hands to keep track of and make sure they don’t send the racism signals that cause the racism. So no more hands. That means we’re only taking contestants with no hands or who are willing to have their hands cut off. What’s a smart solution?”

Handless contestants incapable of racism signals will now have to hit their buzzers with their heads, which has slowed down the show a bit, though some like the change. There is still some concern a contestant could say a secret racism codeword, which Jeopardy! thought of addressing by cutting out contestants’ tongues, but that ended up changing the show’s format too much.