You just might be a Democrat if… (with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)
You just might be a Democrat if… (with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy)
If you believe it’s okay to kill your own baby in your womb, but that hunting should be banned, you just might be a Democrat.
If you think invasive species are an existential threat to the United States, but that illegal aliens always enrich us with their presence, you just might be a Democrat.
If you think smoking cigarettes should be banned, but smoking marijuana should be legalized, you just might be a Democrat.
If you think the song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” should be kept off the airwaves, yet happily sing along to Cardi B’s “WAP” (Wet Ass P*ssy), you just might be a Democrat.
If you are vehemently against the death penalty for mass murderers, but think there is a constitutional right to abortion, you just might be a Democrat.
If you think that, during the COVID-19 pandemic, churches should be closed but pot dispensaries and strip clubs should remain open as “essential” services, you just might be a Democrat.
If you claim to hate racism and then claim that all white people are racists, you just might be a Democrat.
If you believe that female genital mutilation is “just a matter of cultural and religious choice,” but that devout Christians should be forced to pay for other people’s contraception and to make cakes for gay weddings, you just might be a Democrat.
If you believe that an American putting on a sombrero for Halloween is an example of rank appropriation, but that there’s nothing wrong with people around the world wearing Levi’s jeans or listening to blues music, you just might be a Democrat.
If you believe discrimination against minorities is bad, but that discrimination against a majority (that itself will soon be a minority) is okay, you just might be a Democrat.
If you believe that Antifa and Black Lives Matter are benign groups trying to right historical wrongs, but that the Founders were selfish bastards intent on using others to further a white power agenda, you just might be a Democrat.
If you believe that capitalism is a corrupt economic system designed to oppress the masses, and that socialism is an altruistic system designed to level the playing field, you almost certainly are a Democrat.
If you used to believe that desegregation was a bad idea, and now believe resegregation – like black-only college dormitories -- is a good one, you just might be a Democrat.
If you believe rugged individualism is a pathetically outmoded idea…and that group think is a much better option, you just might be a Democrat.
If you prefer indoctrination over unbiased instruction and the primacy of feelings over logic, you just might be a Democrat.
If you think the doctrine of “America First” is xenophobic and unfair and subscribe to a doctrine of “Any Other Country First,” you just might be a Democrat.
If you think “misgendering” someone is “violence,” but that burning buildings, broken windows and blood on the faces of Trump supporters are evidence of “a mostly peaceful protest,” you just…might…be…a…Democrat.
If you are still certain that Russia meddled in the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election but are equally certain that the 2020 election was utterly untainted, you just might be a Democrat.
If you truly believe President Trump is a bigger danger to the world than Chinese President Xi Jinping is, you just might be a Democrat.
If you believe that Trump is a “bully” but see nothing wrong with conservatives getting mocked, de-platformed, threatened, silenced, slandered, and chased off campuses…you are almost certainly a Democrat.
If you believe wearing a face mask in public is more important than wearing clothes in public, you just may be a Democrat.
If you prefer “virtual” reality to…reality…you just might be a Democrat.
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