Governor Menu Monitor
The first bar that offers a Potato Chip on Rye with French Onion dip as a condiment (sandwich parts sold separately) will win my undying affection.
Well, that didn’t take long. Last week I told you about how New York’s Governor Andrew Cuomo issued a proclamation ordering bars to only serve alcohol to those who order food. And after seeing some clever bar owners skirt his idiotic dictate with “Cuomo Chips” and other hilarious “in-your-face” responses, the Menu Monitor decided another Dining Dictate was needed.
It isn’t just enough to order food. It must be “substantial” foods.
Buffalo wings? Appetizers?
Sure. That’s food, but they aren’t “food” food, says the Menu Monitor.
According to Governor Menu Monitor, the bare minimum qualification for what constitutes substantial food is the sandwich. Anything less than a sandwich is unsubstantial.
Earlier today, Governor Cuomo said chicken wings are not substantial food for bars to be allowed to sell alcohol. He added that sandwiches were the "lowest level" of substantive food. #Buffalo His comments: pic.twitter.com/zaSXgfEq6S
— Stephen Marth (@StephenMarth) July 23, 2020
You’d think this yutz would have more important things to do than police the menu choices of New Yorkers.
I’ll tell you one thing. The first bar that offers a Potato Chip on Rye with French Onion dip as a condiment (sandwich parts sold separately) will win my undying affection.
What precisely is the science behind this anyway?
And what exactly does the type of food have to do with preventing the spread of the Wuhan virus?
If a sandwich prevents you from getting COVID, maybe we should all start wearing a slice of Wonder bread for a mask.
You’d think a guy who never takes responsibility for anything that happens on his watch wouldn’t be such a petty, persnickety micromanager.
Then again, when has Andrew Cuomo shown any consistency?
Cuomo doesn’t treat New Yorkers as fellow citizens; he treats us like his incorrigible children.
As Becket Adams put it on Twitter yesterday:
seriously, new yorkers, why do you guys keep doing this to yourselves? do you enjoy being lorded over? do you like being treated like children? do you have some weird, deep-seated longing for a male nanny who will change your diapers and cut your food for you?
Permit me to answer that.
Andrew Cuomo has been infantilizing New Yorkers for a decade. And clearly the majority of New Yorkers are fine with it.
How else do you explain why Governor Menu Monitor is now serving his third term in office?
It certainly isn’t because he’s successfully turned New York State into an energy-independent economic powerhouse.
And it sure as hell isn’t because we’re enjoying low taxes and an overabundance of Individual Liberty.
New York is populated by people who are completely on board with the politics of good intentions.
Outcomes can be utterly disastrous (hello nursing homes!) so long as Andrew Cuomo tells us how much he cares.
And, yes. There will be plenty of New Yorkers who applaud like clapping seals over their Albany Daddy declaring himself our official Menu Monitor.
Because far too many New York voters are more than happy to be pliant, obedient sheep.
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