Nation’s burglars demand...

Daily Squat

Nation’s burglars demand bailout, saying their job has become ‘impossible’ due to people self-isolating

Posted By: David Marrs - March 18, 2020

The nation’s burglars are demanding a government bailout, claiming that their job has become ‘impossible’ due to the outbreak of the coronavirus.

With the coronavirus forcing many people to work from home and self-isolate, burgling opportunities are now hard to come by.

‘It’s incredibly difficult to rob a house when the entire family is there. I’ve gone from being able to burgle a house every couple of days to not being able to find any opportunities at all.

‘It’s time for the government to step in and give us burglars a bailout. Most of us won’t be able to survive without one,’ professional burglar Nick Ditt told us.

The government will meet to discuss the possibility of bailing out burglars, although it’s believed they are low-down on the priority list.

A government spokesperson told us: ‘We have other robbing bastards like banks, insurance companies and casinos to consider first.’