Biden Excites Democrats By Not Being Bernie Sanders

Babylon Bee🐝

U.S.—Joe Biden is now cruising to victory, and many are crediting his triumph to the dynamic, powerful way in which he continues not to be Bernie Sanders.

“If there’s one thing you can say about Biden, it’s that he’s not Bernie Sanders,” said Democratic voter Daryl Franklin. “I mean, he combs his hair. He doesn't go around saying, ‘I’m a socialist!’ He’s great. I don’t know what else anyone could want.”

Another voter, Robert Murray, agreed. “I mean, you look at the one candidate, and that guy is Bernie Sanders,” Murray said. “But you look at Joe Biden, and he’s someone else entirely. That’s exactly what I wanted in a candidate.”

Another factor Murray cited was the lack of annoying, angry online people obsessed with Biden, since no one is obsessed with Biden or has very strong thoughts about him one way or the other.

Biden may have some competition, though, as a very late candidate has entered the Democratic primary, a 78-year-old with a very large mustache named Sernie Banders. He also claims to not be Bernie Sanders, though many are suspicious.