Iowa Prepares To Matter

Babylon Bee🐝

DES MOINES, IA—In general, Americans couldn't care less what Iowans think, say, or do. However, early in election years, the nation turns its attention to this midwestern state, which is believed to be somewhere near the Mississippi River.

The 2020 Iowa Democratic caucuses will take place on February 3 resulting in everybody suddenly caring about the opinions of Iowans for a short time.

"We're thrilled to have people truly care what we think," said Des Moines resident Owen Brown. “We get so used to being ignored by everyone that this feels really special.”

It is widely believed that the early voting happens in Iowa because of its complex caucus and convention process, but many experts say it occurs simply to give Iowans’ lives purpose for a few weeks and help them cope with the depressing realities of living there.

“Oh, it’s definitely just to make them feel important,” said political science professor Chad Thorson. “There’s really no other reason I can think of. But if it helps them get through, then good on them.”

Many Iowans hope the attention from the caucuses will help other states remember them in the coming months.