Could A Communist Muslim Terrorist Be The Solution To New York City's Budget Problems?
Budget crises are nothing new for New York City. Though the city has come a long way since the 1970s, when it was over $400 million in debt and required state and federal intervention, New York has been in the red for the past three years. Current projections suggest a surplus for 2026, but it's going to require precise management of city funds to avoid squandering it.
With that in mind, it's time we ask ourselves the obvious question: Is a far-left communist Muslim terrorist the answer to managing the city's money properly?
Enter Zohran Mamdani, who can almost bench press 135 pounds. He plans to completely exhaust New York's $115.9 billion budget by introducing a bevy of socialist policies, which is exactly what this city needs.
Mamdani's bold new vision for New York City includes:
Initiate a rent freeze
Build 200,000 permanently affordable housing units
Provide universal child care
Eliminate tuition fees at public colleges
Eliminate all fees for the public bus system and freeze subway fares
Completely revolutionize the streets with car-free zones that make it even harder to travel across the city
Develop city-owned grocery stores
Require landlords to maintain specific indoor temperatures — or else
Create a dedicated city office for the LGBTQ community
Fund gender-affirming care
Provide free legal aid to illegal aliens
This all may sound like a lot, but Mamdani also plans to raise taxes. His socialist policies, combined with exorbitant tax rates, are guaranteed to change what it even means to have money, thereby eliminating the concept of a budget altogether. True, it may not be possible for a mayor to single-handedly raise taxes on his own without support from other city officials, but he assures us it's a done deal because he dreamed about it one night.
And we believe him.
If anyone had told us 20 years ago that electing a radical communist Muslim born in Uganda was the best path to a bright future for New York, we would have told them they were crazy.
Well, now they are right. And probably crazy.
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