Man Really Excited For Government To Release All The Government Documentation Of All The Government's Crimes

Babylon Bee🐝 

FRANKLIN, KY — A local man is really excited for the government to release all the government documentation of all the government's crimes, according to sources.

Alvin Parker told his family and friends that this was the breakthrough exposé everyone had been waiting for all along, as he expressed confidence and anticipation that the U.S. government would finally provide the world with the concrete proof collected by the U.S. government of all the horrible things perpetrated by the U.S. government.

"We're about to learn the truth!" Parker said. "All my life, the government has been keeping secrets from us while they fully document all their terrible crimes. Now, they're finally going to stop lying and give us all the self-incriminating evidence they've been keeping on themselves all these years. I always knew the government would eventually get to the bottom of all the government's wrongdoing and tell the public about it. Our patience has finally paid off."

From the Epstein Files and the JFK assassination to the clandestine toppling of foreign governments and information about UFOs, Parker was supremely confident that the government would tell everyone everything the government knows about the bad things the government has done. "Why would they lie to us?" he asked. "I mean, yeah, they've been lying to us for the last half-century-plus and have no real incentive to out themselves as criminals, but they're totally going to do it now. And I'm here for it."

At publishing time, Parker was disappointed to learn that the U.S. government had announced that its investigation into the U.S. government had concluded that the U.S. government was innocent of all wrongdoing.