Trump Secures Peace Deal Where Putin Gets Ukraine During The Week While Zelenskyy Gets Weekends And Two Weeks In The Summer

 Trump Secures Peace Deal Where Putin Gets Ukraine During The Week While Zelenskyy Gets Weekends And Two Weeks In The Summer

Politics·Mar 7, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In another unorthodox move highlighting his ability to think outside the box, President Donald Trump announced that he had secured a peace deal where Putin gets Ukraine on the weekdays while Zelenskyy gets Ukraine on the weekends and for two weeks during the summer.

The new deal came after years of brutal fighting and weeks of contentious Trump-brokered negotiations between Russia and Ukraine that had appeared to reach a stalemate.

"We brought both sides to the table and all parties have to give and take," said President Trump. "Putin gets Ukraine Monday through Friday, Zelenskyy gets weekends. And to make everything fair, Zelenskyy can get two weeks in the summer for a camping trip or any other family time he wants to do with Ukraine. It's a great deal. Everyone is happy."

White House sources hailed the settlement as a perfect accommodation for both sides.

"Look, these custody things happen all the time," Trump continued. "I've had two divorces myself and they always get settled like this. You have to share."

Foreign policy experts tried to explain to Trump that an entire country with millions of citizens and vast strategic resources caught up in a complex geopolitical rivalry between NATO and Russia was nothing like a custody case in a divorce settlement, but Trump stumped the experts by replying, "Why not?"

At publishing time, sources said Ukraine would have the right to choose whether it wanted to live with Putin or Zelensky once it got old enough.

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