Jobs Report Shows Skyrocketing Unemployment Among Lizard People

Babylon Bee🐝

U.S. — As the Department of Government Efficiency continued scouring federal agencies on a crusade to eliminate waste and unnecessary positions, a new jobs report showed skyrocketing unemployment among lizard people.

The study sought to investigate the current employment status of the race of malevolent reptilian overlords populating various levels of government, with results indicating that a record number of the lizard creatures had recently lost their jobs and were now looking for work.

"DOGE has been particularly cruel to the lizards from Zornak VI," lead researcher Dr. Philip Brinkenhoffer said. "While there has been virtually no unemployment among the lizard people since they assumed power behind the scenes, Elon Musk has really wreaked havoc on their positions."

To make matters worse, the now unemployed lizard people have discovered that their impressive resumes filled with years of covert machinations make them overqualified for other jobs.

"They sssssssaid I should look for sssssssomething more sssssssuitable for my ssssssskills," said lizard person Quorvod Akneron. "Apparently my decadesssssss of experiencccccce are not enough to convinccccccce then to give me a chanccccccce. Curssssssse you, Elon Musssssssk!"

Akneron, who sources said had secretly been in charge of multiple U.S. government departments for many years, was now hoping that other nations may have positions available in the field of clandestine power brokerage and global dominance.

At publishing time, Akneron had reportedly been granted an interview with furniture giant IKEA, where he hopes to help make the furniture harder to assemble and more expensive.