Five Things To Be Thankful For In 2024
Happy Thanksgiving. Normally, this is where I, as a native Detroiter, would apologize for the Lions and today’s first football game, but they’re kicking ass this year, so you’re welcome. With that being said, and history as a guide, every Detroiter still has the sinking feeling that the team could blow a 10-1 record, so maybe I’ll just partially apologize on spec. Old habits die hard.
But there are reasons to be thankful this year, many reasons, actually. In the interest of brevity and a desire to get you back to your family, I’ll try to limit it to just five
Number 5: Be thankful you are not Joe Biden. True, this was number 5 last year, too, but it’s even more important to be thankful for it now. Why? Because you’re not a year further down the road of dementia, of course. That’s horrible, I know, but so is Joe as President, so I don’t feel that badly about it.
Biden was forced out because “he couldn’t win,” his “friends” insisted, then they replaced him with the only politician in the country with a lower approval rating than he had and they expected her to win? Joe may not have all his faculties, but the rest of the Democratic Party establishment are out of their collective mind!
The President will now live the rest of his life knowing his friends betrayed him for nothing and his legacy will be wiped out completely by the man he hates. The only thing he has going for him is it’s unlikely he’ll remember any of it inside of 3 months.
Number 4: Be thankful you are not Tim Walz. The Governor of Minnesota, just minding your own business when, out of the blue, you’re picked in a panic to be the running mate of the sitting Vice President for the simple fact that you are not Jewish. That’d come as a shock, I’d think.
That’s why Walz was picked – because Josh Shapiro is Jewish and the Democratic Party was terrified of offending their radical wing who view Adolf Hitler as a “good starting point.” With Shapiro, Pennsylvania is probably lost for Trump, but Harris was too afraid of losing Michigan to stand up for what is right that she ended up losing both.
Through it all, Walz disintegrated. He went from a retired military hero and champion football coach to a disgraced fraud who was an unpaid defensive coordinator hanging around with young kids. With minimal examination his whole life’s story collapsed like a house of cards being sneezed on. His lies would have gone undiscovered (great oppo research, Minnesota GOP) had his party not hated Jews so much. Now he has to live the rest of his life exposed with a wife so grating that the campaign pulled her from the campaign trail at a time they were desperate for anyone to speak on their behalf. I’m half tempted to donate to any effort to get him to run in 2028.
Number 3: Be thankful you are not Nancy Pelosi. My God, what a horrible creature she is, and I’m not talking about her looks. OK, I’m not talking exclusively about her looks.
Nancy was number 3 last year, so there’s something to be said for consistency. This year, Nancy not only lost the ability to not look like she’s stuck forever in the moment something shockingly horrible was revealed to her, she flexed her political muscle to remove a President from the ballot and lost the election. She pulled off the political equivalent of jumping out of a plane with engine problems without a parachute.
I’m glad Nancy is there. Her refusal to leave Congress at an age just north of dirt demonstrates how racist she and her party are. Her replacement as “leader” is a young black man, but she holds the real power behind the scenes – she got rid of a President while Hakeem Jeffries is rarely invited onto CNN. She gets more media requests than any other Democrat because she is in charge, no matter what title someone else has. And the public hates her.
May she live to be 200 and never retire, beating her is that much fun.
Number 2: Be thankful you aren’t Matt Drudge. He either still owns the website named after him or he doesn’t. Either way, he’s lost all relevance.
When not posting a “sassy” Rex Reid movie review or the latest Ricky Martin news, the Drudge Report has turned into the Huffington Post with less testosterone. My late friend Andrew Breitbart would not recognize his former place of employment. What good is all the money in the world if no one gives a damn you exist?
Drudge had to introduce modern pop-up ads for revenue and seems to have lowered the auto-refresh time to up traffic numbers, which is the web traffic version of shoving a cucumber in your underwear while wearing tight jeans. Were he not so insufferable, you might almost feel bad.
Finally, Number 1: Be thankful you do not work in the corporate left-wing media. They suffered more than just about anyone else in the election. They put everything into beating Donald Trump and lost. Everything. Imagine giving something absolutely all you could and not only coming up short, but humiliatingly so. They set fire to the credibility and, ultimately, their audience – MSNBC has lost more than half their viewers, having finally realized they were being lied to.
Not only did they discover just how irrelevant the work they’d dedicated their lives to doing is to the public, they now have to live desperately trying to get information from the very people they’d smeared as Nazis. It was one thing when they just disagreed and didn’t like each other, but how many leaks can the New York Times expect after a year of calling everyone Hitler?
CNN is allegedly rebooting, which could mean just about anything because CNN is the ugly, unpopular friend MSNBC hangs around with so it feels pretty. And MSNBC is expect to be for sale soon and the world’s richest man is toying with the idea of buying it with the change in his sock drawer for the express purpose of firing horrible people. Elon Musk is probably joking, but the fact that he has enough money to make his jokes come true and would likely see his net worth increase by more than the $7 billion all of Comcast’s cable networks are allegedly worth in the time it took to sign the paperwork to finalize the deal, has to give Rachel Maddow pause and Joy Reid even deeper racist thoughts.
You gotta love it.
As you find room for one more slice of pumpkin pie or just a little bit more stuffing and being to regret how much you ate today, never regret that you are not any of these people because they are just the worst. Happy Thanksgiving, go Lions!
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