Congressional Republicans Say They're Working Hard To Figure Out How To Squander The Next Two Years

Babylon Bee🐝

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the transition period from the Biden White House to the incoming Trump administration began, congressional Republicans assured the American people that they were already hard at work figuring out how to squander the next two years.

With voters giving the GOP full control of the White House and Congress, Republican leaders wanted to make sure their constituents were confident that they were doing everything in their power to make sure nothing is achieved before the 2026 mid-term elections.

"The American people can rest assured that we're doing everything we can to mess this up," said Senator Mitch McConnell. "The voters made their voices heard loud and strong last week and handed our party a mandate to get things done, which is exactly why we're not even waiting until January — we're already working to do what we do best, which is nothing."

Though Trump's administration and the incoming Congress won't take power until the calendar turns to 2025, Republicans who are already in Congress have cleared their schedules and are fully committed to failing to accomplish anything for the next two years. "This is about getting no results," said Congressman Dan Crenshaw. "We've been given a solemn responsibility to come to Washington, fight amongst ourselves, get nothing done, and hopefully alienate enough of our voters to lose control of at least one house of Congress back to the Democrats in 2026. It's our job, and we take it seriously."

Crenshaw then directed his staff to send another fundraising email.

At publishing time, Senate Republicans had also assured the American people that they were already collaborating to come up with new and innovative ways to undermine Trump's second term.