Media Warn Florida Hurricane May Hamper Ongoing Trump Assassination Attempts

Babylon Bee🐝

U.S. — Multiple networks sounded the alarm Thursday that the impending landfall of Hurricane Helene would seriously hamper further attempts to assassinate Donald Trump.

With only a little more than a month left before election day, any opportunities potential assassins may have to kill Trump were likely to be hindered by the arrival of the dangerous storm.

"State officials are advising people to stay indoors and not to leave their homes for any reason, even to assassinate Donald Trump," said NBC's Lester Holt during his nightly report.

"At this rate, it's looking like no one will be able to attempt to kill Trump for at least the next several days," Rachel Maddow said on her program. "We can add yet another casualty to the ever-rising death toll of climate change: democracy."

During a live CNN roundtable, Van Jones lamented the untold damage caused by Hurricane Helene, including but not limited to, its effect on the coming presidential election. "This is election interference!" Jones said. "This ruins any chance Democrats had of a free and fair assassination season."

On ESPN, sports anchor Kevin Connors blasted Hurricane Helene for unsportsmanlike 200-mph winds that endangered homes and dramatically affected the trajectory of sniper bullets. "Looks like the assassination of Donald Trump has hit a rain delay," he said. "A truly untenable situation."

At publishing time, sources said Donald Trump took advantage of the lack of assassination attempts to go golfing, with early reports indicating he hit his best game ever.