Steve Bannon Looking Forward To A Hot Shower, Shave, And Clean Clothes In Prison

Babylon Bee🐝

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After being ordered to report for incarceration on July 1 following a failed attempt to remain free during the appeal process, former Trump White House advisor Steve Bannon admitted that he was looking forward to a hot shower, shave, and clean clothes in prison.

The conservative firebrand was ordered by a federal judge to report to prison next month to serve a four-month sentence for contempt of Congress, which will allow Bannon the long-awaited opportunity to bathe, comb his hair, and have his clothing laundered for the first time in years.

"Honestly, I could use a wash," Bannon reportedly told his attorney after the judge's order was given. "Though I adamantly maintain my innocence and point out that other people have done the same thing and were not sent to prison, I'd be remiss if I didn't concede that having a hot shower, a shave, and a change of clothes didn't sound appealing. I hear I'll even get three hot meals a day while I'm there. I guess being sent to prison does have its upside."

Those closest to Bannon said this may be a good thing for him. "He's a great guy," one insider said. "Spending time behind bars might help him actually look presentable for once. You've seen him, right? Scruffy whiskers… unkempt hair… I don't know the last time he washed that green jacket he wears all the time. I think he sleeps in it. Anyway, we might see a whole new Steve Bannon when he gets out."

At publishing time, Bannon had reportedly told friends that he was even more excited to report for his prison sentence after learning inmates get free haircuts.