Being Against Crime Added To List Of Things That Are Racist

Babylon Bee🐝

U.S. — Country star Jason Aldean released a controversial single this month called "Try That In A Small Town" in which he laid out his belief that crime is bad. He has since been forcefully condemned by the music industry since being against crime is now considered a racist dog whistle.

"I was shocked and saddened by the blatant racism in Aldean's song that condemned violent crime," said CMT President Brian Philips. "Crime is a beloved and noble tradition of BIPOC communities, and to condemn it is to condemn our own black brothers and sisters. I am sorry we ever allowed it to be aired."

Aldean defended himself from the criticism on his Instagram page, saying "What on earth does this have to do with race? I never mentioned race, you guys did! You guys are racist! What's wrong with you people?" Unfortunately, no one read his statement as Instagram soon removed the post.

Industry experts joined in denouncing Aldean. "Most of us secretly agree with him, but it's not cool to say that," said Universal Music Group CEO Cindy Mabe. "So, please don't tell anyone I said that. Hey! Stop writing that down!"

At publishing time, a group of heavily armed Antifa troops was seen outside Aldean's home to teach him a valuable lesson about being against crime.