Spokesperson For World’s Largest Military Overwhelmed with Emotion for Ukraine During Press Briefing

Comrades, the deep, long and sullen violins were playing tearfully today as the World War Reddit theatrical performance came heavily to the Pentagon.  Leading narrative engineer John Kirby was captivating in his role as profoundly sullen squire overwhelmed with the magnitude of the moment and the emotion of the struggle in Ukraine.

The Biden production company is attempting to raise another $33 billion for enhanced theater operations in the besieged European country.  Pentagon chournalists are collecting canned goods, including soundbites, to support the war effort; and the Defense Dept is broadcasting the theme to Chariots of Fire across NATO signals.

Meanwhile, emotions throughout Europe are running high as valiant Prince Volodymyr of Donbas assembles his polished armor and directs his trusted steed into the wind.

Yes, today the clouds loomed heavy as Director Kirby narrated his audience while fighting bravely to keep the spirit of Edward R Murrow alive.  The wide-eyed maidens held their collective breath waiting in the mournful stillness of the moment… You could hear a pin drop. WATCH: