Media: If Everything Weren’t Horrible, Everything Would Be Awesome

Media: If Everything Weren't Horrible, Everything Would Be Awesome

Kylee Zeppel - The Federalist

Gas prices are at record highs, grocery bills are through the roof, and supply-chain disruptions are still leaving business shelves bare, but even amid the instability, some things never change: Democrats’ media lapdogs are still spinning the facts to a dizzying degree.

As an apt illustration, The Washington Post shared this article about Biden’s economy, from self-serious columnist Jennifer Rubin, to Twitteron Monday with the following snippet: “If it weren’t for inflation, this president’s economic performance would be unmatched.”

You really can’t make this stuff up. America is in such dire straits under the leadership of barely coherent President Joe Biden that the only way left to defend him is to say, If it weren’t for everything being horrible, it would all be wonderful.

To help Biden’s media lapdogs out, here are a few more amazing things — or, you know, things that would be if the opposite were reality.

If It Weren’t for Gasoline Being $5 a Gallon, Gas Would Be So Affordable

Gas has jumped 100 percent since 2020, with the national average above $4.00 per gallon. In some areas of the country, it’s a couple of dollars more, with fuel just outside Death Valley in California topping the chartsat nearly $9.00 per gallon. 

If the Washington Post needs help framing stories on gas prices, they’re welcome to use this headline: “If Biden’s $5 Gasoline Were Less Expensive, It Would Be Cheaper.”

If It Weren’t for Short-Staffing, Businesses Would Be Fully Staffed

Even as Rubin pumps recent employment numbers, plenty of stores across the country are still displaying “temporary hours” signs, waitresses are apologizing for slow service because “we’re just so short-staffed,” and “we’re hiring” signs are ubiquitous.

The pseudo boost in jobs isn’t coming from some sort of economic boom; it’s a painfully slow recovery from government lockdowns that hasn’t even reached where we were before the pandemic. Furthermore, the “unemployment rate” tells you nothing of the multitudes of people who opted to exit the labor force altogether and therefore aren’t included in the figure. But as the media would tell you, “If It Weren’t For Short-Staffing, Businesses Would Have All The Staff They Need.”

If It Weren’t for Supply-Chain Lockdowns, We Could Get Necessary Goods

Essential items are still taking forever to make it to their destinations, thus the shipping delays and empty shelves. That’s one of the many reasons the Biden administration’s gas-price solution of just buying an electric car was so absurd (that and, of course, the price tag). 

But supply-chain disruptions certainly aren’t the Biden administration’s fault, and they’re not really a problem anyway because — and again, corporate press, feel free to nab this headline — “If It Weren’t For Supply-Chain Issues, We Could Get Our Hands On All The Things We Need.”

If It Weren’t for the Humanitarian Crisis on the U.S. Border, Biden’s Policies Would Be Second to None

After Biden’s political posture prompted more than 2 million Border Patrol encounters with illegal aliens on the border in 2021 alone, what could go wrong with his administration’s plans to repeal Title 42, the Trump-era policy that sped up the return of illegal border-crossers during Covid-19?

Thanks to his policies, dangerous cartels are empowered at the expense of women and children, and desperate migrants are left vulnerable at the mercy of the elements and the deadly Rio Grande. Yet journalists have used their platforms to explain that the border crisis is a result of the president being so “moral,” so they would probably be interested in a headline like, “If They Weren’t Empowering Cartels To Rape Women, Biden’s Border Policies Would Be Top Notch.”

If It Weren’t for Biden Family Scandals, This President Would Be Scandal-Free

We’ve known that Hunter Biden’s laptop was real since before the 2020 election — and thus all that the bombshell entails for his “big guy” father and their family corruption. But even as the corrupt media finally come out and admit it, they’re burying the lede to take attention off the Biden family and give the illusion that this administration is scandal-free. 

In other words, their Biden coverage has the same air about it as Rubin’s fare: “POTUS Would Be Scandal-Less… If It Weren’t For The Biden Family’s Hard Drives Being Utterly Scandalous.”

If We Weren’t Depending on Foreign Adversaries for Oil, Biden’s America Would Be Energy Independent

Shortly after Biden willfully relinquished America’s energy independence that was achieved under President Donald Trump, our country has gotten a front-row seat to the atrocities that result from relying on your enemies for commodities such as oil.

The president and his press secretary have done their best to assure us that canceling the Keystone XL pipeline and suspending federal oil and gas leases had no effect on U.S. oil production. But one thing we can know for sure is that “If It Weren’t For Our Energy Dependence On Foreign Enemies, Biden’s America Would Be Energy Independent.”

This Is the Media’s Pattern

Rubin and The Washington Post make criticism of their work too easy, but Monday’s embarrassingly blatant spin wasn’t a lapse in journalistic judgment or a one-off oopsie. This type of framing is the media’s pattern, and it isn’t relegated to opinion columns. 

It pervades America’s newsrooms. It also seeps out in fake fact-checks that acknowledge a statement is true but rate it “mostly false,” in wire stories that co-opt language like “pro-choice” and subversive pronouns, and in the continued use of Trump as a red herring to distract from whatever Biden nightmare is unfolding on a given day.

The corporate media are nothing more than a public relations arm for the Democrat Party, even if it means making nonsensical declarations like “If it weren’t for inflation, this president’s economic performance would be unmatched.”

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