10 Essential Items To Put In Your Fallout Shelter Today

Babylon Bee🐝

Are you having trouble getting your fallout shelter in order in time for the brisk nuclear winter that is certainly coming? Have no fear--we at The Babylon Bee are experts in doomsday prepping! 

Use this list to ensure you have everything you need:  

1) A ten-year supply of Goya Beans and a lead-lined MyPillow: Both are on sale. Don't delay, act now!

2) A shotgun with a chainsaw attachment: Every bunker needs at least one. 

3) A KJV Bible: You can't get to heaven without an authorized 1611 KJV!

4) Pocket English-Russian Dictionary: Есть только два пола.

5) Tuttle Twins Books: Might have a better shot of building back better with these books for reference.

6) A scalpel in case your gender changes: You don't want to be caught without a life-saving gender transition kit.

7) Laminated vaccine card and spare masks: Don't forget, we're in a pandemic!

8) All 4 seasons of Battlestar Galactica: If humanity ends, at least you'll be able to enjoy mankind's crowning artistic achievement. 

9) Solar panels to combat global warming as we rebuild civilization: Don't you care about the climate?!

10) All of Obama's memoirs: They are very effective at knocking out intruders.