9 Signs You're Watching Too Much CNN (and why they fired Zucker)

Babylon Bee🐝

Are you watching too much CNN? Know the warning signs:

1. You think the pandemic is still going on. If you find yourself saying "When the pandemic is over..." or "the new normal," you might be watching too much CNN.

2. You still think one of these investigations is going to “get” Trump. The walls are closing in. Any day now.

3. You haven't left your house in two years. Time to turn off the CNN and go outside, people.

4. You haven't heard of any of Biden's foreign or domestic failures. You think the president's doing a "pretty good job" and haven't caught wind of any kind of disasters.

5. You still call ivermectin "horse medicine". Oh no! Your brain has been infected!

6. You walk by a fiery riot and think to yourself, "Ah, what a peaceful protest. Mostly, anyway." If this is your immediate instinct, check with a medical professional. You may have an oversaturation of CNN.

7. You're at the airport a lot. This is less a symptom and more a root cause, but if you're at the airport, you're probably watching lots of CNN.

8. You drop to the floor and convulse any time you see a MAGA hat. The longer you roll around in the fetal position, the more CNN you probably watch.

9. You watch any CNN at all. Even one second is too much. Just say no.

If these nine signs describe you, don't suffer alone: get help today. We here at The Babylon Bee are ready to deliver you fake news you can actually trust on a daily basis.