What’s Next for the Cuomo Brothers?
Now that the Cuomo Brothers both have oodles of time on their hands, what’s next for the dumbnamic duo?
My brother texted me over the weekend surprised that I didn’t land on Chris Cuomo’s fall from grace like Andrew on a staffer. And I admit, there was a lot of material to glean from the embarrassing end to his embarrassing cable news career.
But I’m not much of a joiner by nature. And since everybody else was covering the end of the Cuomo Brothers, I decided to wait until I could extract a couple of fun Photoshop images out of it.
Then this morning as the hot water gave out midway through my five a.m. shower (thanks to my cat knocking the drain pipe out of place), it hit me like a ton of freezing cold water.
The Cuomo Brothers should embrace their television stardom and launch a remake of a classic TV buddy comedy. After all, Andrew is an Emmy-winning actor, until they rescinded his Emmy award.
They already tried their hand at a pandemic version of the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. And we all know how that turned out.
Seeing as they’re both New Yorkers, maybe they could do a remake of The Odd Couple.
Two brothers, each of them tossed out on their asses with nowhere to go. So they decide to move in together.
Can an Emmy-winning former Governor and a failed cable news star live together without driving each other crazy?
Every Friday night they host a poker game. But, since this is the Cuomo Brothers, it’ll be a strip poker game, and instead of their pals like Murray the cop, their guests will be hot, unwilling women. Naturally, Chris and Andy cheat like crazy so only the girls end up stripping.
No. That won’t work. We need a show that makes it past the censors.
I know!
Bosom Buddies!
This one is perfect. Andy and Chris decide to make looking for chicks easier by getting up as girls and moving into a women-only apartment building. And if the Cuomo Brothers can’t find a semi-willing woman, they can always fondle their own breasts in a pinch (no pun intended).
Though pretty soon, the other gals in the place will probably get sick and tired of getting goosed in the elevator by the two ugly Italian chicks living in 4-C.
Okay, I’m beginning to see a flaw in the plotline.
If you have other ideas, put them in the comments. If an idea tickles my fancy like Andrew tickles his staffers, maybe I’ll do up an image for it.
I hear Chris is thinking of suing CNN for breach of contract. If I had to guess, I’d say Chris is hoping CNN settles out of court for fear that Chris might spill the dirt on that garbage network. Because you know there’s dirt.
According to the New York Post, CNN’s contracts have a “standard morality clause,” and if an employee “does anything of disrepute, they can be fired immediately.” Now that made me laugh out loud. How the hell did Jeffrey Toobin avoid getting fired? You’d think masturbating on camera during a Zoom call with colleagues would be all kinds of disreputable. But given this is CNN, they probably grade disrepute on a curve.
Anyroad.
This really was a pathetic and miserable end to the Cuomo Brothers.
Ordinarily, I don’t take delight in others’ misfortune. But it’s hard to resist the temptation to gloat where these two are concerned.
And if Karma can come for Mario’s low-IQ spawn, maybe next time, she can do us all a favor and set her sights on Hunter and the Big Guy.
Update:
I whipped this together while waiting for today’s assignments from my paying job.
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