The Babylon Bee Presents: COVID Christmas Carols

Babylon Bee🐝

This season, it's important to focus on the true meaning of Christmas: compliance. 

Christmas caroling, once a holiday tradition of family and friends spreading joy and cheer to neighbors and communities, is now illegal, and rightfully so. We are—and will forever be—in the midst of a dangerous pandemic, and nothing spreads lethal viruses more virulently than through friends, family, singing, and joy.

Dismay not! You can still find a sliver of Christmas cheer while isolated in your sanitized home, double-masked and quadruple-vaccinated, by listening to some of these COVID-19 Christmas Carols:

“I'll Be Vaxxed for Christmas” - A merry, joyful reminder that only the vaxxed are allowed to enjoy Christmas.

"It Came Upon A Mandate Clear" - Sing this beautiful carol and remember your first mandate. Precious memories...

"Baby, There's COVID Outside" - That's a billion times worse than it being cold outside! 

"Silent Media" - The Wuhan Virology Lab released a virus upon the world... and the media fell reverently silent.

"Do You Fear What I Fear" - If it's not COVID, you're killing Grandma. 

"What Variant is This?" - Yeah, we lost track too. 

"Have Yourself A Lonely Little Christmas" - OR ELSE. 

"God Rest Ye Boosted Gentlemen" - The only gentlemen who have a right to rest are the ones who are boosted.

"mRNA In a Manager" - Remember the birth of the savior: mRNA. 

"Fauci Baby" - As sung by Brian Stelter. 

"Carol of The Bell's Palsy" - Completely unrelated to the vaccine, Pfizer assures us. 

"It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Wuhan" - Unsurprisingly, this carol is illegal in Wuhan.

“Santa Claus Is Staying at Home” - “He sees you defying lockdowns, he knows when you’re not vaxxed, he is not coming anyway, so stay home and wear a mask!”

"All I Want For Christmas Is Ivermectin" - A conservative favorite.

"Jab to the World" - Who needs "joy" when you got that jab? 

"Fauci the Vaxman" - Why hasn't he melted away yet? 

"Ave Moderna" - AAAAAVVVEE MO-DERRRRRR-ERRRRR-NAAAAAA

“Have an Omi-Cron-y Christmas” - The hit single of 2021 is raging through the world after its South Africa debut!

"Good King Brandon" - Let's go Brandon! 

"Grandma Got COVID By A Cuomo" - An unsettlingly peppy song. 

"Variant Both Meek And Mild" - As pretty much all the variants were...

“Christmas (Baby Please Stay Home)” - We highly recommend the version recorded by The National Karens Choir.

“Mary Did You Know (About the Vaccine Mandate)” - Sometimes a Christian holiday mansplainer is needed to spread the joy of mandates.

“Masked Christmas” - This Christmas pop song will have you singing along in your own muffled, sad way.

“Sanitize The Halls” - “Fa-la-la-la-la-la wash your hands!”

“O Come, O Come, Dr. Fauci” - This old classic choral number sings reverence to our Lord and Savior and director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.

Jingle Bells, Biden Smells: Fauci laid an egg!

Now sing some carols, and have yourself a safe, socially distanced, vaxxed, masked, remote zoom call little Christmas!