Exclusive: We've Obtained Biden's 9-Point Plan To Fix The Mess In Afghanistan

Babylon Bee🐝

We're real journalists at The Bee, which means we have anonymous sources at the White House. Our anonymous source -- let's just call him Bob -- managed to acquire Biden's 9-point plan for saving face and righting the ship in Afghanistan. Here it is! Thanks, Bob! 

1. Sign an executive order on climate change. - Biden will reportedly announce this at his press conference this evening. Only through fighting climate change can we stop terrorism.

2. Take a nap and hope some ideas come to him. - Sometimes all you need for inspiration to strike is a little bit of shut-eye.

3. Knock on wood even harder. - Biden says the problem with his previous plan to knock on wood is that he didn't knock hard enough. Second time is the charm!

4. Team up with Ben & Jerry's for a new ice cream flavor "Afghanistan Abandon-Mint." - Hehe, great pun.

5. Declare Afghanistan a gun-free zone. - Works 60% of the time, every time.

6. Take a longer nap. - Sometimes you need a little longer of a nap to get ideas.

7. Threaten to airdrop Hunter Biden's paintings into Kabul. - This will bring the Taliban to their knees in no time.

8. Send Kamala to cackle. - Kamala used cackle! It's super effective!

9. Don't take questions from reporters, remain in hiding while Americans are killed, and just hope this all blows over - Wait, that's not satire!