Biden Quits Presidency To Focus On Mental Health
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After seeing Olympic gymnast Simone Biles's inspiring decision to quit the Olympics right before the finals, President Biden has announced that he too will be resigning from the presidency to focus on his own mental health.
"That pretty little gymnast girl quit the Olympics, and that's just inspiring folks," said Biden. "I wanted to be President for myself, but after a while, I started to realize I was still doing this for other people. I need to take this time away to focus on my own personal issues instead of always trying to please others. Self-care, folks! Gotta do it!"
Pundits in the media are praising the President for his "courageous" decision to step away to take some time to focus on himself. "Make no mistake--President Biden is a hero for the cause of mental health," said Brian Stelter, tears welling up in his eyes. "I hope this will inspire more people to take a stand and quit their work. As a matter of fact, I quit!" Stelter then walked off the set, never to be seen again.
Biden's resignation has prompted a new movement, with everyone across the world walking off their jobs to take more time for themselves.
Biden aides have confirmed the President will be checking himself into a senior living facility later this week.
According to sources, Kamala Harris will be taking over the presidency starting next Monday.
(UPDATE: Kamala Harris has also decided to quit for the sake of her own mental health."
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