Op-Ed: You'll Never Beat A Tyrannical Government With Just Guns

posted by His Royal Highness King George III at Babylon Bee

Listen, a lot of people have been suggesting this whole "blood of the patriots" language and suggesting you can just go topple a government using just muskets. It's absurd on its face. You can't go up against a nation that has big ships. Lots of ships. The best ships, really -- some of the best ships of all time. Everyone says so. Ahhh, fantastic ships. Quite so. 

"But these bloody peasants -- farmers with pitchforks you might say -- think they can beat us with guns. Guns! While I do wish we had taken away their muskets some time ago, now we're stuck with them. But still. They're not going to stand a chance against our beautiful ships.

And I haven't even mentioned our cannonry! Some of the finest cannonry in the world. The sun never sets on our cannons. They fly through the air and go boom! Such a jolly good boom. 

Have you seen our soldiers? They have the finest weaponry and wear cool red clothes and march around all synchronized and what-not. What chance can some "guerilla" group stand against our might? It'll never work.

Maybe some day we'll invent flying machines and bombs that rocket through the air. By Jove, when that happens, no rebellion in the world will stand a chance. I for one can't wait. It will be a jolly good time, and no government will ever lose against a pathetic farmers' rebellion again.