With Pandemic Ending, People Who Yell At Others To Wear Masks In Danger Of Never Feeling Important Again

Babylon Bee🐝

U.S.—There’s a light at the end of the tunnel for the pandemic as vaccine distribution continues to increase, and soon the whole ordeal will be over. While most people are celebrating this development, it has filled others with worry -- especially those who have taken it upon themselves to yell at people who aren’t wearing masks. They have a sinking feeling they’re never going to feel important ever again. 

“I’ve never felt so alive as when I’ve gotten in people’s faces, saying, ‘Where’s your mask?! Where’s your mask?!’” said Karen Hughes. “I’m basically stopping murderers. And, let’s face it, with my lack of skills and annoying personality, this is the highlight of my life.”

“This has given me purpose and meaning,” agreed Karen Boyd. “Usually, I’m looked at as some sort of witch when I scream at kids, but now I have a reason backed by the CDC. I’m a hero. But when the pandemic is over, I’ll go back to being a crazy lady.”

“I don’t think I have the ability to do anything else,” said Bob “Karen” Shelton. “What else can I yell at people about? ‘Wear sunscreen?!’ I dunno. And I was just getting so good at mask policing. I was yelling at people for only wearing one mask. ‘Why don’t you have two?!’ I‘d shout. But those days are ending.”

The mask-yellers do have some hope that masks will become a habit during flu season, which at least gives them an annual reason to harass random passersby.