Listening to “White Christmas” is killing people!!!
In what can only be described as an explosive story, the Washington Post is reporting that every time you listen to Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” five people have died from the coronavirus between the beginning and the end of the song.
So for the love of God, stop listening to “White Christmas!”
Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” has so much blood on its hands, they might as well rename it “Red Christmas!”
Now, I don’t know if it’s just Bing Crosby’s version that has such a fatal result, or every version of the song.
It might be possible for you to listen to someone else singing “White Christmas” with little to no adverse effect. But why take the chances?
If it saves only one life, it’s worth it, right?
So just stop listening to it altogether just to be safe.
On the plus side:
Okay, to be fair to the Washington Post, the argument the writer is desperately trying to make is COVID is so deadly, about five people will die of it during the three minutes it takes to listen to “White Christmas.”
But, really?
We’re going to use the “run time of a popular Christmas song” death measure from now on?
What’s the point of writing an article like this?
Last night, the Washington Post did a story about Saturday Night Live introducing a new Joe Biden impersonator for their show.
SNL lasts 90 minutes.
In other words, every time you watch SNL, about 150 people have died from the coronavirus between the beginning and the end of the show.
Look, Mom! I’m a journalist just like the people at the Washington Post!
Last year, 2,845,793 Americans died. That’s 5.41 deaths per minute. Or, to use the Washington Post’s “White Christmas” Death Measure, in 2019, an average of sixteen people died between the beginning and the end of “White Christmas.”
Do you feel better informed?
I wonder how much “Democracy” dies during the run time of “White Christmas.” Has the WaPo calculated that yet?
Does the “White Christmas” Death Measure help put anything into perspective?
Of course not.
This is just more Washington Post COVID panic porn with an added splash of making you feel guilty for celebrating Christmas during a pandemic.
These people are assholes.
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