Senators Vow To Hold Big Tech Accountable By...
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Several outraged Republican senators have summoned Big Tech CEOs to D.C. after outrageous censorship of breaking news that could hurt the Biden campaign. Senators are vowing to hold these powerful oligarchs accountable by dragging them in front of a committee and saying mean things to them.
"It's time these Big Tech big shots march right over here and answer to us!" said Senator Lindsey Graham. "Boy, those CEOs must be quaking in their boots right now! We'll probably call them an 'embarrassment' or even a 'disgrace' if we're feeling extra feisty!"
According to sources on Capitol Hill, senators are writing some really good questions with extra harsh language to make the tech CEOs squirm in their seats.
"It's gonna be awesome," said Senator Graham. "After we question them all day, we'll send out some really cool clips to play on the YouTube with titles like 'FURIOUS Lindsey Graham RIPS into Twitter CEO.' Everyone will be like, 'WOW! Lindsey really let that guy have it!' It will be so epic."
Senators are also really looking forward to starting new fundraising campaigns encouraging voters to donate money to stop Big Tech censorship.
"Big Tech will be sorry they messed with us!" Tweeted one senator minutes before being suspended on Twitter.
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