Surfing is racist!!!

But  of  course  it  is.

Patriot Retort

Say, did you know that despite its beginnings among indigenous Pacific islanders, surfing is now a whites only activity?

Damn those white people and their colonialist appropriation!!

According to the San Francisco Weekly, surfing has a diversity problem.

America’s history of systemic racism plays a major role in discouraging people of color from taking up water sports, according to Chelsea Woody, co-founder of Textured Waves, a surf collective for women of color.

Systemic racism in surfing?  Really?

Do the Beach Boys know about this?

♪♫“Catch a wave and you’re sitting on top of a burning cross.”

I’m confused here.

Do surf shops have “Whites Only” signs hanging from the door?

If a black person walks in, do the sales clerks wave them off (no pun intended) and discourage them from browsing?

“I’m sorry, but we don’t sell surfing supplies to your kind.”

Are there “Whites Only” signs posted along the beach?

Is this 1950s Alabama?

This part made me laugh out loud:

“Segregation laws of this country really restricted who could participate in leisure activities and zoning laws with who could buy land in certain areas and coastal towns,” Woody explains.

The California Land Act of 1851 pulled sprawling ranchos away from Mexican owners and handed them over to white settlers. Pools and beaches were segregated during Jim Crow, effectively prohibiting Black people from public access. A 2014 CDC study found that Black American children were up to 10 times more likely to drown than white children.

What now?  So not only is surfing racist, but because it claims the lives of more black children than white children the ocean itself is racist?

And what in Lucifer’s reach does a one hundred and sixty-nine-year-old land act have to do with the lack of diversity among surfers in 2020?

Isn’t it just more likely that black people are simply not that interested in strapping a slab of fiberglass to their ankles and letting giant waves roll toward them?

And hey, I’m right there with them! Of course, I’m terrified of water because I almost drowned once.

“I think the lineup is really just an extension of colonialism,” says Kyla Langen, co-founder of San Francisco based Queer Surf.

Oh, now it’s “colonialism.”

Sweet merciful Zeus, the lengths some folks will go to find racism.

But that’s not the only thing that proves (ha!) surfing’s systemic racism.  You see, surfers are territorial.  They commit the sin of “localism.”

While the motivations behind territorial aggression may not be directly linked to the color of surfers’ skin, it often underscores issues of privilege and access. “Localism helps ensure that the people who are already there kind of stay in control,” Manickham-Shirley says. And if the people who are already in wealthier, beachfront communities are more likely to be white, that makes it that much harder for people of color to gain their footing.

Yes, we are territorial by nature.  And the people who have been in a place the longest tend to see themselves as the ones in charge.  I’m sure you’d find the same sort of “territorial localism” if a group of white kids decided to shoot hoops at another neighborhood basketball court. That’s not racism, that’s just human nature.

But wait! There’s more!

Surfing is also sexist and homophobic!

Langen describes lineups as often having a hyper-masculine energy to catch and “dominate” every wave. It’s an attitude that can — and often does — fuel misogyny and homophobia.

“I think a lot of women surfers will say that, when you’re a woman surfing, every wave you have to prove yourself,” Manickham-Shirley says. She notes that the added pressure to gain respect in the lineup comes from others assuming that women just can’t surf.

Who knew we permit such an awful, hateful pastime to exist!!  Why, I’m literally shaking!!

Keep in mind, this article quotes women of color who are surfers. If surfing is nothing but a Klan meeting with crashing waves, how could they be surfers? Doesn’t their very existence prove them wrong?

Then again, you know what else is human nature? Women finding a reason to bitch.

You know, it’s probably hard to surf the ocean when you’re carrying such an enormous chip on your shoulder.  It’s bound to throw off your balance.

But fear not, good citizens.  You can’t keep a gay woman of color surfer down!

“When we surf we’re really reclaiming ourselves and our sense of power, our sense of intimacy, our ability to be safe, strong, and our ability to connect with others and the world around us,” she explains.

Good grief.

Do these women not know how to just cut loose and have some fun?

Maybe that’s the problem here.  It isn’t that surfing is racist or sexist or homophobic.  It’s just that these chicks are demanding far too much validation from surfing.

It’s a pastime to enjoy, not a source of self-empowerment.

Honestly, these ladies are taking all this much too seriously.

Life is short.  Catch a wave and have some friggin’ fun. Or stay out of the water!