Progressive Parents Disappointed In How White Their Children Are

Babylon Bee🐝

PORTLAND, OR—John and Julie Newman are dedicated progressives, active in every cause and contributing regularly to Black Lives Matter. Despite this, their children, Cayden and Evergreen, have turned out wrong. “They’re just so white,” explained Julie, not hiding her disappointment. “I don’t know what we did wrong.”

John and Julie are trying to make a better world, and part of that is battling white supremacy and whiteness in general. Their kids, though, just seem to be furthering that problem. “When I think of their future,” John said, “I see them excelling in exciting careers -- which is horrible, because they’re white and need to leave those opportunities for others.”

“Do they understand that they’re part of the problem?” Julie asked. “No. They don’t care. They just want to play with their Tonka trucks. That’s white privilege right there.”

John and Julie aren’t sure what to do. So far all their lectures on being anti-racist are losing out to episodes of Paw Patrol. “We want to love them,” Julie said. “But loving white children sounds like something white supremacists would do.”