Nation’s Hospitals To Replace...

Nation's Hospitals To Replace Doctors With 

Celebrities Doling Out Medical Advice

July 7th, 2020

U.S.—Hospitals across the country are trying a new tactic to combat COVID-19: replacing medical doctors with Hollywood celebrities doling out advice.

The Hollywood celebrities will simply lecture patients with their vast knowledge from their acting careers, tell them to do better, or sing "Imagine" for really bad diseases. Hundreds of thousands of doctors were informed their services were no longer required, since Hollywood celebrities are doing a great job of telling us how to fight disease.

"Many of these celebrities have played doctors, nurses, or other medical professionals during their careers, so they're definitely the people you should listen to," said one hospital administrator in Beverly Hills as he handed a medical doctor a pink slip, since she was being replaced by Natalie Portman. "Their smug, smarmy attitudes as they tell you things only a medical doctor should be saying just mean that they're the right people for the job."

The strategy is really working, some say.

"Hey, Doc, I think I've got the Rona," said one man to Tom Hanks as he coughed into his hand.

"Well, uh -- wear a mask, social distance, wash your hands. This isn't difficult, people," he said, clapping between each word.

"Oh, OK -- thanks, Doc," the confused man said as he was ushered out of the room.

"Next!"