Scholars Claim Jesus Actually Told Lepers 'Stay Home, Save Lives'

Babylon Bee🐝

U.S.—The Bible contains several accounts of Jesus dealing with lepers, but these historical narratives might not be telling us the full story, some scholars are now claiming.

"Rather than healing and cleansing the lepers, it seems Jesus actually just gave them an air high five and said, 'Stay home, save lives' before moving on so as not to get infected," said Dr. Robert Belling, Dean of Doubt Formation at Yale Divinity School.  "It was the smart thing to do. It's how Jesus loved His neighbor. And may we all live by His example by not ever going back to work again."

One account comes from the newly discovered Gospel of Bob. According to this perspective on Jesus's life, the Messiah was approached by a leper and immediately jumped back. "Whoa, bro, social distancing!" Jesus said, giving the man a wide berth.

"But Rabbi, I can't earn a living for my family. I'm dying! What should I do?" the leper responded.

"Stay home, save lives. This ain't hard."