Record number of children being put up for adoption after parents forced to spend time with them

Daily Squat

A record number of children are being put up for adoption after their parents have been forced to spend any amount of time with them.

With the coronavirus lockdown cancelling schools, clubs, sports and pretty much all social activities; parents have been forced to spend hours each day with their children.

The results have not been pretty as 22% of all children are now being put up for adoption after their parents found out how truly fucking annoying they are.

‘I had no idea how annoying Gregory was,’ his mother told us. ‘He’s usually out of the house most of the day or I’m at work. Now we’re spending 24 hours a day together and I feel trapped. He’s constantly asking stupid fucking questions, demanding food or complaining that he’s bored. I wouldn’t mind but he’s 25.’

The sheer number of children now available for adoption has put a tremendous strain on the system but adoption agencies are hoping that ‘super-adopters’ will be able to pick up most of the slack.

‘We’ve got Madonna and Angelina Jolie on speed-dial, so we’re confident we can tackle this crisis,’ one spokesperson told us.