Worst Thing You’ve Ever..
The Babylon Bee
New Job Applications
Have You List Worst Things You've Ever Done
Instead Of Greatest Accomplishments
U.S.—As times change, so does the hiring process. While it used to be common for job applicants to present a resume of qualifications or to list achievements and pertinent experience on job applications, that information is no longer relevant to most job markets. These days, what companies want to know first and foremost about new hires is simply this: what is the worst thing you have ever done or said?
Updated job applications will have an area where you can list your worst tweets, Facebook comments, or previous podcast appearances. Many have a list of racial slurs with boxes to check if you ever used any, at any time, in any context, and in any situation. Also popular is the "jokes you have told" section where you list every joke you have told, starting with the crudest or most culturally insensitive.
"When it comes to hiring, what really matters isn't all the work a person has put into their career. It usually comes down to one tweet or YouTube comment from a decade ago. We want people with squeaky-clean pasts, on and offline," said Zeller Industries CEO Marcus Zeller.
While the new hiring practice might cause applicants who are truth-tellers, risk-takers, and blatantly honest to be overlooked, CEOs and hiring reps all agree that it's not worth it to hire someone with an impressive body of work and a lifetime of achievement if they said something society disapproves of years ago in a tweet.
"Until some sort of mechanism is put in place to redeem people of past sins, this is the solution," said Marcy Schaeffer, CEO of QuickHire. "We aren't looking for excellent employees. We are looking for pure, sinless, guilt-free employees."
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