WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another scandal involving the conservative Supreme Court judge, Democrats released a damning photograph of Justice Samuel Alito reading the Constitution.
After releasing the photo, Democrats argued that Justice Alito had clearly been radicalized and could not be trusted to make impartial rulings on the constitutionality of any case due to the fact that he had read the Constitution in the past.
"This is shameful behavior unbecoming of any Supreme Court judge," argued Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. "To think that we have had a dangerous extremist sitting on our highest court this whole time is terrifying. Can you believe it? A Supreme Court justice engaging in troubling activities like reading the U.S. Constitution, a well-known white supremacist document often cited by white supremacists? This scandal will shake our judicial branch to its core."
Other leading Democrats wasted no time in calling for Justice Alito to be removed from the court, or for him to recuse himself from any case involving the Constitution. "This is just the tip of the iceberg," House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries said. "I've received reports that Justice Alito used to repeatedly pledge his allegiance to the American flag when he was in grade school. He has clearly held dangerous, right-wing views his entire life. We can't stand for this type of extremism."
At publishing time, the scandal surrounding Justice Alito had intensified after video footage was uncovered showing him shooting off fireworks and grilling hotdogs on the 4th of July while wearing an American flag tank top.