TAMPA, FL — Fresh off the case of George Bailey, Clarence the Angel embarked on a new mission over the weekend to show California Governor Gavin Newsom what California could be like if he'd never been born.
"I just picked him up and flew him over to Florida," Clarence explained. "Easiest job I've ever had."
Earlier in the day, residents had observed Newsom wandering the streets of San Francisco, muttering to himself about the futility of life. "I was supposed to be President! I was supposed to be the guy!" cried out Newsom. "Instead, I've spent my days toiling away in California -- and now, looking around at this crummy little state, what do I have to show for it? What has it all been for??"
It was then that Clarence the Angel descended to Gavin Newsom's side, arriving to visibly show Newsom the fruits of his life's work. "You're going to be given a great gift, Gavin - to see what California would look like if you had never been born!" exclaimed Clarence as they arrived in Florida. "Look at the unvarnished beauty of nature, walk the streets free of feces, see the livelihoods unruined, hear the laughter of children allowed to live! You see Gavin, each man's life touches so many other lives. See all the wonderful things that don't exist because of you? It really is a wonderful life here in Florida, isn't it?"
At publishing time, Newsom had reportedly taken the vision to heart, renewing his vow to become President so he could make Florida look just like California.