WASHINGTON, D.C.—White House interns placed a desk outside the White House so President Joe Biden could ceremoniously sign the ambitious "Don't Say Gas" Bill. The new bill is meant to discourage the discussion of domestic oil drilling and complaints about the cost of high gas prices.
Biden was joined by VP Kamala Harris, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. The trio looked on dreamily as Dr. Jill Biden slowly put a pen in her husband's hand and helped him sign the bill.
"This is good for America!" said Biden. "Great for clean energy. Go get him!"
Before he could say anything further, White House aides shooed the press away and reminded them they weren't allowed to report on the event because that would technically involve mentioning "g*s."
Kamala Harris spoke briefly following the event. "A fuel, which shall not be named, is a thing in the ground. We use it to power cars and other things. But we should use other stuff that someone else told me is clean," she said, clapping for herself.
Nancy Pelosi immediately called her stockbroker to make sure he had sold all her oil stocks.