We knew it was coming, but it still stings. From his very first minute in office, Biden wasted no time in undoing American greatness with a stroke of his pen. We still have 4 years left. God help us all. Here is a list of the executive orders Biden signed on day 1:
- Canceling the Keystone XL pipeline - From now on, all our oil must be purchased from ISIS.
- All jobs that Trump created are now illegal - We can't have our jobs tainted with white supremacy. Don't worry, you'll get your stimulus check.
- Every family home must now have a transgender bathroom - Also, every family will be required to have at least one transgender child.
- Tear down the entire border wall - Everyone can now come and go whenever they want. The kids in the cages have to stay though. Pure evil.
- Arrest Donald Trump on one count of being Donald Trump - Also calls for the arrest of 75 million people for accessory to being Donald Trump.
- Homeschooling now outlawed - All children must now be indoctrinated from 6 months old by a professional Marxist.
- Anyone who mispronounces "Kamala" will be thrown in prison - Like a common pot smoker.
- All guns must be converted to shoot only NERF bullets - Much safer that way. Could save millions of lives.
- Metamucil is now a human right - As is prune juice and naptime.
- Gyms must now encourage body positivity and serve free pizza - Just like Planet Fitness.
- Extra stimulus check to whoever reports a Trump donor - Do your duty!
- Emergency federal aid to all people whose first name is "Hunter" and whose last name is "Biden" - Doesn't seem fair.
- Misgendering someone will now be punished with death by firing squad - Deadnaming someone will get you an even worse punishment.
- Calling an unnecessary meeting at work now punishable by 15 years in Gitmo - Actually, we're OK with this one. Come to think of it, maybe Biden is the greatest president ever.
Either way, it looks like we're in for a long 4 years.