WILMINGTON, DE—While President Donald Trump has told people to not be afraid of the novel coronavirus after becoming infected himself, presidential candidate Joe Biden has become even more terrified of getting sick after learning of one of the symptoms of COVID-19: loss of sense of smell.
“I want airtight seals around this basement!” Biden said as he crouched in the far corner of his basement lair. “Everyone must be screened before getting within 50 feet of me! No exceptions!”
The idea of not being able to smell has shaken Biden to his core, so much so that he’s trying desperately to find a way to get out of the debates so he won't have to be near the recently sick Trump. “Just tell them I now agree with Trump on everything so there’s nothing to debate,” Biden said.
“If I can’t smell, I don’t know what I’ll do,” Biden told reporters as he stood behind plexiglass. “I’d sneak up behind people and... what? I’d have nothing left to live for.”
“What about being president and saving this country?” prompted a staffer in a full biohazard suit.
Biden shook his head. “Nothing left to live for.”