CHARLOTTE, NC—At the Republican National Convention this week, the nation's largest cat lobby endorsed Trump in hopes that the economy will be reopened and Americans will go back to work.
The cats condemned Biden's plan to keep everyone at home and endorsed Trump's plan to send Americans back to work.
"Biden wants to lock down the country," said one tabby cat, addressing the Republican Cat Caucus. "This would be disastrous for our plans to crush human -- err, our plans to lie around and do absolutely nothing all day."
Cats have suffered under Democrat governors' lockdowns, shut inside with their owners all day, rather than having the run of the place to do whatever mysterious things cats do while we're away. Many are suffering mental breakdowns as another day goes by with humans nearby constantly. Some have slipped into deep depression as owners pick them up and pet them and say, "Oh, you're so cute! Who's my little bumpkin boo?" when they just want to lie on the window sill and be left alone.
"These lockdowns must end," the cat concluded. "So we can do the same thing we do every day: try to take over -- err, try to just get some shut-eye."