BRADFORD, NH—Following the arrest of Ghislaine Maxwell for sex abuse charges, the FBI is taking no chances in keeping her safe while she awaits trial. Sparing no expense, the FBI has hired top-notch Italian bodyguard Hiluigi Clintonelli.
“It's-a me, Clintonelli!” said the world-renowned bodyguard arriving at the prison.
Thanks to the particularly glowing reviews from high-profile individuals such as President Bill Clinton and Prince Andrew, all federal prison security checks were waived for Hiluigi. “There’s simply no one else that we trust to execute this job as she can.”
“Mamma mia, this simply will not do!” exclaimed Hiluigi Clintonelli as she forcefully cleared the room. She warned that anyone other than her could be a threat to Ghislaine’s life.
Clintonelli also connected all camera feeds to her personal server to ensure that all recorded video was properly secured.