WASHINGTON, D.C.—Faced with the prospect of another drawn-out day of listening to fellow congresspeople drone on and on about impeachment, Republican senators donned their trusty googly-eye glasses in order to get a little shuteye.
Senator Mitch McConnell distributed the glasses as the trial was called to order, letting the other Republican senators know that they could catch a solid eight hours of sleep behind the clever disguise.
"Throw these bad boys on, and you'll look super interested -- maybe even a little too interested," a yawning McConnell said as he handed a pair to Ted Cruz. The previous day, Cruz had simply watched The Princess Bride on his phone for the duration of the trial but was caught by Democrats, who hate Princess Bride and everything else good in this world.
The senators got out their My Pillows and got ready for a solid few hours of sleep. They dreamed about guns, shooting guns, and going to Bass Pro Shop and buying more guns, which ended up being more productive than the impeachment trial.
"Thanks, Mitch!" they all said during a recess as they dropped their glasses into a bin for recycling.
Democrats, for their part, donned their trusty "angry eyes" to show just how outraged they were about President Trump's phone call that everyone else agrees was beautiful and perfect.