WASHINGTON, D.C.—As Adam Schiff gave his opening arguments in Trump's impeachment trial yesterday, stunned witnesses claim a huge plank suddenly appeared protruding from his left eye socket.
As he turned his head back and forth giving his speech condemning his opponents for their moral failings, the audience was forced to duck to avoid getting smacked in the face by the dangling board.
"Trump's corruption and lies are causing irreparable damage to our democracy," Schiff said as the long board stuck out of his face. "He really needs to check himself."
"It's important for all us politicians to be self-reflective, to really examine ourselves to see if we are being honest and forthright."
When asked about the board, Schiff said that having a board stick out of your face is "always a sign of God's favor in the Bible."