SPRINGFIELD, OH — Ohio residents and foodies were in for a treat last week when Martha's Mashup Diner 'N Dive released its autumn menu, featuring the brand-new Pumpkin Spice Cat dish as its pièce de résistance.
According to owner and proprietor Martha O'Malley, the new dish was inspired by the amber accents of fall and what has quickly become known as the native cuisine of Ohio.
"We're really just hoping to serve our customers with what they love best," O'Malley said, gently kneading a yellow tabby cat and sprinkling it with her special pumpkin spice mix in preparation for baking. "It's been all the rage — I've never seen such a voodoo... excuse me, a to-do about anything in all my days here. We've got people coming from all over the world to try my traditional Ohioan fare — well, mostly just Haiti, but still, it's wild! Just yesterday, I served over 300 Pumpkin Spice Cats and the line was still out the door!"
Other new seasonal items on Martha's Mashup Menu include the Days of Autumn Duck, Festive Fall Pig Head, Golden Leaves Goose, and Daylight Savings Dog.
"I just wanted to give my diners a good selection of the classics they know and love," Martha explained. "We're keeping the Ohio traditions alive — new and old."
At publishing time, Martha had come under fire for getting her geese, pig heads, and cats from the nearby Chinese restaurant instead of responsibly sourcing them from public parks like others in the area.